The Soapy Smell of Failure

I'm into activism. That doesn't mean I'm going to throw myself in front of vehicles or stop eating for a week. I consider myself a bit of a feminist. That doesn't mean I don't believe in shaving or dating men, so long as they're respectful. I often feel like there's really no "scene" I belong to. If nothing else, I suppose I belong to the Fresno/Central Valley DIY scene, if such a thing really, truly exists. It isn't much of a scene; it's just a few disjointed individuals and groups who rarely come together all at once, especially from different cities. I don't consider myself a punk, a hardcore kid, a hipster, an activist... Sometimes it's insane how people try to keep all of these groups seperate. It's like a plate of delicious food has been served to the city of Fresno, but Fresno (or the people in it) won't let any of the items touch. Now and then you'll see hardcore kids and punks at the same show, but you almost never see all of these "subcultures" at the same time and in the same place. There's very little unity here, and it seems to go against everything the punk and hardcore communities stand for.

I wasn't quite going anywhere with that, in case you were wondering. Just saying.

I recently started making soap (melt and pour, since I don't have easy access to all of the supplies I'd need to make it from scratch right now) in hopes of pulling in a little cash. So far, nothing. I listed some stuff on eBay and have seen some considerable interest, so I may be able to afford a couple more shows; I'm getting really low on cash and have no job, so driving to and from Fresno all the time and going to shows is going to get really difficult. I'll find a way, though; it's all I really have heh. 3SN is all but done, otherXcore zine may never happen... It's disappointing to see so many of my ideas kind of crash and burn. I'm a creative person, but that creativity tends to be a bit unfocused, so it rarely goes anywhere or does anything for me. I'm supposed to start doing shows in Madera soon (which is something I've always wanted to do), but we'll see how that goes. I can either be ridiculously DIY and break into semi-abandoned buildings (which is quite risky, since I'd rather go to college than jail), or I can shell out a ton of money to rent a space. I hate to say it, but the second option sounds slightly more favorable. We'll see how that goes. In the future, I'd love to do some kind of fest, sort of like Madstock and Fresno Fest, but I don't see myself having the money, time, or connections anytime soon. Ideally, it'd be a couple days long, have a bunch of bands from all over the area, and maybe from elsewhere, have workshops, and be a really cool unifying experience for everyone, but eh. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Side note: I'm pretty sure absolutely no one reads this blog, but I bet that if I had a tumblr, people would suddenly be interested. (Blogspot is for real bloggers. Unlike myself. I'm not bad enough for tumblr, though.)

SXR