Nothing ever changes.

Things have been pretty decent lately. I've managed to remain surprisingly zen through even the most stressful of shows and I've finally begun to adjust to being lonely. However, just when I think I'm really getting better, things get even worse. I'm back to constantly worrying about puking, back to picking at my scalp every single fucking time I drive home, and I've spent probably half an hour of my short day today crying. Just when I thought I was finally staying posi!

Random note, Last.fm is playing my ideal playlist right now: J Church, followed by Discount, followed by Chinese Telephones, then Fifteen. I think that despite my shitty day, I've died and gone to heaven.

Maybe I'll just never really be happy. I guess I handle stress better than I did for a long time, but every time I start thinking I've really made an improvement, days like today happen and I feel like all the work I've put into feeling better about things goes right down the drain. I know I just sound like a stupid, whiny kid, but I am; I'm not trying to deny it. Maybe I just need a vacation. I think I need a break from people, shows, school, family, technology... I need to be alone in the Bay for a week or so and just relax.

In closing, I have a migraine, my foot is bruised, and I'm having a terrible fucking day, but I'm listening to some fantastic music, which almost makes it all okay. I might waste some gas on a trip to Fresno for some alone-time at a cafe; that's my new coping mechanism. I'm about due for a mocha or something; it's been a few days.

SXR