Long time, no blog

Let's recap:

• forgetters and Street Eaters were fucking amazing and Blake Schwarzenbach is an insanely nice guy. I'm so glad I managed to book them. I think it's kind of an accomplishment, despite the fact that it was a small turnout.
• Blake Schwarzenbach.
• Blake Schwarzenbach.
• Bel-Tower is still alive.
• I'm more broke than ever.
• Blake Schwarzenbach.
  

Lately, I feel insanely restless. I'm not unhappy, but I don't feel entirely fulfilled. I suppose that since I'm so young, I really shouldn't or there'd be no point in living, but in a world of instant gratification and simplified everything, it's hard not to want constant fulfillment. I can't keep my mind on just one project, and my mind is most certainly not set on school right now. If I wasn't stuck in Fresno, I honestly think that would be different. Despite the fact that I only have about five or six friends, most of whom are not close, I feel like I'm too distracted by other things, like hanging out or working at The Bel-Tower. I'm sure I'd be a bit distracted in Oakland, Berkeley, Hayward, San Francisco, or Brooklyn, all of which are home to my dream schools, but at least there, I'd have no friends and be forced to focus on school to some extent.

I think this is going to be one of those years where I try to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. I'm incredibly broke, unemployed, making very slow progress on my degree... Somewhere along the way, I have to either pick up the pace and get with the "American dream" model for living or just give in and part ways with the system. I'm honestly thinking about spending this summer in the Bay Area, staying with friends, squatting, staying in hostels... whatever I can afford at any given time. I feel like I need time to go out on my own and be forced to struggle in a place I feel I need to be. If I can make it for a couple of months with almost nothing, I'll know I won't be completely fucked. It's not that I'm denying my privilege or whatever, as my Women's Studies professor would say, I just feel that since I will undoubtedly be broke for the majority of my life based on my ethics, morals, ideals, et cetera, I need to get used to that sooner rather than later. At the same time, though, I'm always trying to make connections to people in "high places." The more connections I have, the more chances I have at being able to make some kind of living doing the things I love.

I realize that my train of thought is incredibly disjointed and I almost never have a point. Forgive me.

Now allow me to digress a bit.

Part of my restlessness seems to come from the fact that everything is so easy these days. I hate it. I truly believe it's less convenient to get an e-mail than to get a letter. I disregard e-mails, but I read letters. (Who still hyphenates the word "e-mail"?) I'd rather hand-write a zine or card than type it up and use some fancy software to lay it out or something. I'd much rather get a flier for a show in-person than get a Facebook invite. Everyone has gotten so lazy. No one has to work for much of anything anymore (aside from money). Want to promote a show? No problem; post it on Facebook a couple times and you're good. Want to go meet new people? Grab your laptop and you'll have friends in no time. It's absurd. While a lot of people are content to read e-books, I refuse to read any book that isn't printed, bound, and easy to dog-ear. I'm tired of technology and laziness. I don't think it makes life any cheaper or easier, it makes us all lazier and more susceptible to ridiculous amounts of consumerism.

Again, no point. That's essentially what led me here around one in the morning on a school night, though. I have so much more to say but can't think of how to say it, so it'll remain in my mind until I find someone to rant to in person.

SXR