Rant

Today's been one hell of a day. I'll spare you the details of my hormones and PMS shit, but I have a lot I want to say and I'm not sure how to say it, so what follows is a disjointed rant. I'm writing by candlelight, just for dramatic effect.

Things at Bel-Tower have been far from smooth internally lately. I don't think it's really a secret that most of us struggle against the rest of us on a number of issues, number one being the alcohol policy. However, we've come to agreements and done our best to stick to those (I speak for most of us on that, anyways). Nevertheless, certain people just don't seem happy with the way things are going despite the fact that we're one of our financial peaks and we haven't really had a visit from the police in months. Some people just aren't happy with anything we do, despite the fact that we (in theory) operate based on majority rule. Because of that, I have a few things to say.

• WE ARE A COLLECTIVE. We agreed on that from the very fucking start and agreed to vote on everything. We haven't had a formal vote in months, but we always discuss things at shows and via Facebook message before we make any changes. ALWAYS. End of story. If most of us are cool with it, we do it. I want us to be MORE of a collective, to be a TRUE collective. That being said:
• FUCK HIERARCHY. No one is "in charge" of The Bel-Tower except THE STAFF as a WHOLE. Not one single person should have any more power than anyone else. THAT IS WHAT A COLLECTIVE IS. We work collectively to accomplish common goals. END OF FUCKING STORY. I'm sick of people trying to come in and set up a fucking patriarchal hierarchy and creating a stupid fucking power struggle that keeps all of us from accomplishing anything or feeling comfortable. And then:
• FUCK EXCLUSION. No one, staff or resident, has the right to keep anyone out of the space at any time for any reason unless we all agree on it. We all have the same keys and the same fucking rights.

As you might be able to tell, I'm steamed. Clearly, things are not the way any of us wanted them to be. It's disillusioning, especially because I was one of the fucking founders, and I've put a ton of time and money into the space. Nevertheless, I don't give a fuck what anyone tries to tell me. "Give up on zine libraries, workshops, the punks, yadda yadda yadda." FUCK NO. I refuse to give up on my beliefs, my desires, and my FRIENDS because someone thinks they're older and "more punk" and they think they can dictate the way I live my life or tell me I'm stupid or wrong. You can fucking drop out of the scene any time you want, give up on feminism, DIY, punk, your friends, and anything else, but I won't. Not now, hopefully not ever.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I don't think I've ever used caps lock this much.

There's still so much more to say, but I can't find a way to really voice it. Fuck it.

SXR