Busy, busy, busy.

I guess I waited till the end of the summer to do anything. We made some serious improvements to the Bel-Tower, so much of my time this past week or so has been spent on that. We're not entirely finished yet, but we're at the point where everything else will be done whenever we find the time and money and shouldn't take too much work. I feel like it looks more like a venue and less like a party house, which I couldn't be happier about, but it still looks like a DIY space. I hate the idea that DIY or punk spaces have to look rundown and shabby. There are spaces all over the world that look like they've gotten lots of love and care, which is what I want for BT. I don't think it matters that the walls aren't covered in graffiti anymore. No matter what anyone thinks, we know how much time and work we've put into everything, and that's what matters. It only looks good because we took the time to make it look good.

I'm about to get even busier. At one this afternoon, I have to go to the doctor to finally discuss the results of my blood test (still kind of hoping for hypothyroidism just so I have some answers), then I've got to go to Fresno State to buy my parking permit and some books, then head over to Bel-Tower for the Black Fag show. It doesn't seem like I've got a whole lot to do, but add in all the driving time and everything and it seems like a full day.

Speaking of school, I had 10 units and couldn't find anything that fit my schedule, so I was going to just stick with that. However, it turns out that if I don't take 12 units, I lose my vision and dental insurance because I'm over 19. If my dad can't provide proof that I'm enrolled in college, he could lose his job, which would leave me, my sister, and my dad totally uninsured. So much for positive health care reform. I finally found a class tonight that I could work with: Advanced Fiction Writing Monday nights from 6 to 9:50. Believe me, I'm not pleased with the three hour gap I have now, or the fact that I'm stuck at school for twelve fucking hours on Mondays. I've now got 14 units lined up for the fall and I'm feeling pretty stressed about it. Yoga's no big deal, but I have no idea how much work to expect in my other classes, so I'm afraid I'll have to devote the next few months to sitting in front of the computer and trying not to drive myself crazy. Plus, I managed to get a job interview, and if I do manage to get the job, I'll officially have zero time to myself and probably be totally miserable. Good times.

I'm getting into another one of those moods where I just feel really conflicted about everything again. I'm conflicted about school, certain friends, what I want out of life, how I feel about certain things... Not that I feel like I should be sure about anything, because I think being too sure about anything at any age is dangerous, but it makes me a bit moody and insecure. I guess since I'll be so busy it shouldn't be a huge issue; I won't have time to think anyway.

I can't decide if I'm lonely or just bored.

SXR