Fail

I started my day with a bowl of oatmeal and ended it with a veggie sandwich and fries from Five Guys. My stomach wasn't pleased and now I'm not sure whether I want to continue my cleanse for now. I think I'm going to wait until I can go to the doctor and have some blood work done and see if he thinks there are any underlying issues that can be treated. I do intend, though, to seriously change my diet as much as possible. That's really hard when your friends and family aren't doing the same, but I'm going to try and make it work. I'm going to attempt to cut out sugar as much as possible, for the sake of my gut (since sugar feeds bad bacteria), eat more greens and other vegetables, and cut out most carbs. So essentially, I'm going to attempt to live off of vegetables for a while. It's probably not going to happen, but I'm down to try.

I would just really like to feel better. Nothing really seems to work and it really upsets me. Do I really have to feel this way for the rest of my life? It gets bad enough that some days, I'd rather die or even just reach for a beer or a joint in order to escape the shittiness that has become my life. Miserable, no? I feel so bad that I just want to fuck up my body even more. Maybe I'd at least die a little faster and be a little less aware of it, which might be cool.

People like to bitch about how negative I am, but they don't have to live in my body. Trust me, folks, if you felt the way I do on a daily basis, you'd probably come off as pretty negative, too. I know it could be worse, but it isn't, and it still blows, so I'll complain all I want. If there's one thing that makes me happy, though, it's Jawbreaker. (As if you didn't know.)


"Everything's gonna be alright. Steady now, don't fall apart. Keep yourself upright."

SXR

Cleansing

Since I have four days off, for the most part, I finally decided to start my Whole Body Cleanse tonight. I cut the dosages a little, but if I'm feeling pretty good tomorrow, I'll take the recommended doses and see how that goes. I'm excited to maybe feel a little better and possibly drop a pound or two, even though I'll probably gain it back in a couple days. I'm using the $12 cleanse from Whole Foods, for those who might be curious. I'll try to document my experience with it from time to time, because before I bought it, when I looked it up, there were very few good accounts of what it was like to use this cleanse. No one said anything too bad, though, so I decided it wouldn't hurt to try it. I hope it goes well for me.

I went to an open interview at Urban Outfitters today. Jon and Sam were also in attendance. I'm pretty positive none of us will be hearing back from them, but at least we can say we tried. No one can say I've never tried to get a job.

On my way home, my knees started cramping. Seeing as I spent slightly less time on my feet today than usual, I'm hoping that's just hormones. My "time of the month" has been way too easy this time around, so I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe I just have shitty bones and joints. That's also a possibility.

Today was pretty nice. I think I also felt a little more comfortable in my own skin than I usually do, which was definitely a plus. If it wasn't so damn hot, life would be surprisingly pleasant at the moment.

SXR